Changes and Labels...

As you may or may not have noticed, I have changed the name.  I am no longer "Manda: In Training." 

I have curves.  I like carbs.  No matter what I do, these two things are never going to change.  I'm never going to be a vegan and run marathons.  I need to remember that Torrid is always going to be a store of choice and I will always reach for that second piece of bread.

Embracing who I am, my curves and slight carb obsession, will be a huge part of finding who I am.  I mean, obviously I am Cristian's mom and Blake's wife.  I'm Mark and Mary's daughter.  I am Kyle's older sister and Joe's niece.  I am Claire, Katie, Nadine, Jess, Leigh, Annie, Cathy, Renee, Lisa, Fe and Cassie's (just to name a few) friend.  I am a biller for GSH.  But other than that, who exactly is Mandy?  Behind the mask of labels, what makes me...me?

I know superficial things about myself:

• Polka dots make the world go 'round.
• I could live in flip-flops if they were work-appropriate and I didn't live in snowy Wisconsin.
• I will always stop if I see a sign that says at least 50% off.
• Dolphins are my weakness.
• Ketchup goes with just about anything.

But, other than that, I'm kind of lost.  I don't even know if I'm good at the things I've been labeled.  I need to search deeper and find who I am.  That's my goal for 2011.  Expose myself (not literally) to, well, myself.

Do not get me wrong, many things about this blog are not going to change.  I am still going to post deals and pictures and crafts.  I am still going to rant and rave.  But there are times I am going to go deeper.

And there just might be a carb-infested goodie in my hand while I do so...

Cotton Candy Carbs?  Yes, please!

<3m

My Forever Road...

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. . .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Photo taken by Roob Photography.

 
 
On February 11, 2006 those words were spoken on one of the greatest days of my life. I knew that I was marrying my best friend and that in front of our friends, family, and God that we vowed to be one. I, quite honestly, have not understood the true meaning of those words until just recently.

Life isn’t perfect. It’s a rollercoaster. There are ups, downs, twists, turns, and bumps along the way. Our relationship has proven to be the same way. We heard that we would never last, and that the terms of our courting had set up our doom.

At the beginning of 2009, I was beginning to determine if those who did not believe in us were correct. There was no passion. No sense of belonging. No sense of that deep love we felt for each other. Did we move too fast? Did we skip key points of our relationship? Could I really spend the rest of my life loving this one man? Had I truly missed out on dating and was he the soul mate I said he was?

I know the same doubts were going through his head. Mistakes were made on both parts in an attempt to find ourselves. A lot of these mistakes were made on our parts to intentionally hurt the other person and to get back at them for making us feel the way we did. I know that I have not been innocent in our summer of “candy-coated demise.” Instead of trying to mend what was stretching and tearing apart my heart, my past, my future, I was trying to get that sense of belonging and being wanted in other places.

Before jumping to conclusions, there was no adultery committed in the physical sense. But in the mental sense, we were both to blame. But yet, we were putting the blame on the other. Instead of being there for him, I tried to get back at him. We were told about a book from a movie. We both put our hearts into the Love Dare, but not fully. It was when I found the book from the movie, Fireproof, and read it that I was changed. He then read the book. We watched the movie. We hashed out everything that happened.

And all the wrongs were forgotten. We rejoiced in the truth. We realized that we hadn’t protected or trusted. It was when we did that, with the help of hope, that our love persevered the hardest thing we had ever done. We didn’t give up on each other when it was the easiest thing to do. Many of our vices and temptations are gone now. We now know that there is no greater friend and no greater truth than in our spouse. We realize that mistakes are just that. Mistakes. Disposable.

Or so I thought.  Christmas Eve 2009 was one of the worst days of my life.  Prepared to give him a copy of the new Love Dare book, I found out that things had not changed for one of us.  The actions he was partaking in the past had reared their ugly head not even a month after our heart to heart.  For the first time in our marriage, I was fully ready to give up.  Take the ring, move out, but I get the child.  I spoke those words as I threw the book at him.

"Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave,
may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight
but it's something worth fighting for.”

You could have cut the tension with a knife.
Photo taken on Christmas Day 2009 by my father.

I'd like to think that those actions, along with long talks with our pastor and my father brought him to the light.  It's as if a switch has been turned on and he is a new man.  2010 has been a true blessing to our love and devotion.  Love is worth fighting for, if you have the right person to fight for.

Let me take this moment to say this. Blake, I now understand the true meaning of love. You have given me that. I fall more in love with you each day. You have given me the most amazing gift of your love and I am eternally grateful. I eagerly anticipate our life together, but I now realize that each and every moment must be cherished. I thank God for seeing us through the difficult times, and for helping us pave the forever road to our Happily Ever After.


"Don’t worry baby,
I ain’t no maybe.
Rain or shine,
this love of mine is for you
Let my arms remind you that
I’ll always be beside you
holdin’ on until this ride is through.
So away we go, down that forever road"

Photo taken by ShawnaMarie Photography

<3m